About Mikaire
In the tigers mouth
In a profound utterance, Ramana Maharshi, the illustrious Indian sage, portrayed the arduous nature of a religiously motivated individual's journey, likening it to having one's head already trapped within the jaws of a predator: a fate from which complete retreat to one's previous existence is impossible, rendering life once again unfathomable. Once embarked upon the path, an individual loses all semblance of control, their former existence lost to the sands of temporal oblivion.
As the momentum of the nineties unfolded, I found myself poised on a profound existential cusp—a tipping point that echoes the hauntingly resonant term "spiritual emergency," coined by the visionary duo Stan and Christine Grof. As I negotiated this treacherous threshold of upheaval, I grappled with sensations that defied all systematic attempts at mental health categorization—and yet they indelibly tattooed my psyche with a permanence that still takes my breath away. My worldview crumbled before my eyes with dizzying speed and unmistakable finality.
The psychiatrist, Buddhist teacher, and psychotherapist Dr. Mark Epstein perceives a ubiquitous worry among psychotherapists: an undercurrent of caution regarding the exploration of uncharted spiritual territories with their clients—a concern he deems entirely rational.
Yet it was in that singular post-Cold-War January of 1993 that chaos reigned supreme. Memories of this catastrophic reorientation remain curiously sterile—a numbing existential quiescence as I struggled to impose cohesion upon a reality that had curdled into a surreal daydream state. In hindsight, I realize it was like watching a behemoth wave gather its stores of fury along the horizon, poised to exact its unyielding wrath upon the shores of destiny. The day arrived, like a force of its own doing—with no escape save an involuntary retreat.
Resistance crumbled beneath this relentless wave; surrender was my final defence, and in it found a strange and deep solace—a world unmoored if ever there was one.
Let me emphasize, dear reader, that before intellection or reflection settles upon any thought, concept, or memory—before we are defined by the layers that obscure the truth—there lies this eternal present. On that transformative day in January 1993, I caught a fleeting glimpse of an existential oneness I can only compare to an intimate rendezvous with transcendence—that unshakeable awareness of an imperturbable, unblinking consciousness. No fewer than a thousand lifetimes and a few eons of the universe fit within that single transcendent moment.
It feels as though, subsequent to this seismic event and its aftermath, my being experienced an epiphanic course correction accompanied by a subtle aura of deeply subliming peace seeping into every corner of life—like a benevolent revelation that changes forever how one sees the meaning in the mundane.
More than a quarter century has elapsed since I passed through that narrow portalway leading into a stranger, yet truer, semblance of existence. I remain deeply enmeshed within the perpetual ripples this cataclysm left in its wake—the subtle shimmer of profound peace continues to insinuate itself imperceptibly yet indubitably into the very fabric of existence with every passage of time.
It’s curious, as I embark upon this retelling it was without the assistance—I would later come to know—the tutelage of a sage teacher who could have gently navigated the precipitous path of crisis and discovery. The journey could have been fraught without their seasoned experience and compassionate steadying hand. Each path affords its special difficulties and trials; as, "Avalanche-like ego-shocks in which whole mountains of psychological attitudes, including our most vaunted conceptions of ourselves, crack off and drop away..."
Conversion, as I'll call this personal journey, a turning point—it begins with that incandescent recognition of one's essential nature unencumbered by extraneous mental chatter. Sustained mindfulness, a probing inner inspection, and what poet Ted Hughes would label, 'a deep inward cleaning,' unfolds throughout numerous stages in a drawn-out process. This requires patience, commitment, and introspection that, when managed wisely, leaves one exquisitely equipped to embrace the entirety one’s life experience.
Transmutation does not occur instantaneously. Like winter transforming into spring life’s dynamics undergo imperceptible yet vital rewiring. From this gradual realignment arises an existential integration—the recognition that at the heart of life's ephemeral patterns lies an enduring presence that whispers infinite possibility. Time loses its linear rigidity as every thought, feeling, and action vibrates harmoniously on the subtlest frequencies of Being. In actuality, the day-to-day becomes sacred geography on this odyssey—a palpable transmission channel for the sacred indwelling all existences.
Methodologically, the conversion is akin to discovering the hidden spring deep within one's being—initially shrouded from awareness yet brimming with an untapped abundance waiting to be accessed.
It bears mentioning, these spiritual shores are peopled by an abundant cast of fellow seekers and Sages—all traversing distinct permutations of their inner evolution—some as fellow novice travelers seeking truth and others illuminated sages with countless lifetimes of transcendental wisdom distilling out their lips. All of us, nonetheless partake of this journey while traversing distinct stages—be we scholar, devotee or contemplative mystic or householder seeking deeper dimensions to life.
Such profundities require patient cultivation no small matter akin to coaxing a flame gently from embers: It would be absurd if the sudden revelation arrived unaccompanied yet unseen.
From that epiphanic threshold forward, your basic premise regarding ego-shocks, as Shri Ramana Maharshi emphasizes, becomes an 'Avalanche-like ego-shock' in which whole mountains of psychological attitudes—our cherished, 'Most vaunted self-conceptions—'Crack off and Drop Away'... leaving nothing save the Essential core of Being revealed as our true fundamental identity - prior to, beyond and underneath all fluctuating mental constructions; mental constructions to which we've conventionally become fixated on.
You shall discover when re-reading these memoirs how an evolutionary momentum was instigated following the spiritual crisis period—a subtle process of psychological rewiring—the gradual relinquishing of ego-grained conceptions toward embracing life unfiltered—the experience not just of the sacred presence within myself but of recognizing it in my acquaintances, the anonymous individual, nature, and life's other inconspicuous beauties and mysteries. An entirely novel plane of awareness descends upon the initiate, transforming how they navigate daily existence and imbuing the banal and prosaic of preawakening existence with the numinous and magical—I invite you join along…